i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
