So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
