very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
