i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
