can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
