When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
