youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
