I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
