I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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