Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
