Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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