i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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