note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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