didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
