Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
