I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
