I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
