she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
