Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
