guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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