Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
MIDGETS
????
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
