Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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