the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
