True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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