just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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