I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
