I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize