You're my little dorito
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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