i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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