Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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