why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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