Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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