I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The uberlube is also flammable
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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