So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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