I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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