So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
