just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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