Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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