I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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