There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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