For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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