Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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