Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
