i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
