and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
