Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
