sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
