i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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