Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
