Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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