Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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