Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
