i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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