just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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