so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
