A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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