I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
