Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
