No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You don't make any sense
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