we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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