my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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