Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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