That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
