Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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