small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
