id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize