well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
