your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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