Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
