Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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