Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
