Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
