gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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