My friends, they love my intelligence
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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