apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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