I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
