I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
