she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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