Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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