She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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