its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
