We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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