i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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