Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
