But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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