god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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