No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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