At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
