Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize