he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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